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Categories: JokesQuotes

FUNNY LIFE QUOTES (SOME WILL SURPRISE YOU)

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Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. Charles Bukowski

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. Kurt Vonnegut

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles Schulz

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Ellen DeGeneres

All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. Mark Twain

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite

Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. William Goldman

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford

I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde

The planet is fine. The people are fucked. George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Robert A Heinlein

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. Rodney Dangerfield

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