1. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.
2. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
3. Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
4. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy.
5. What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.
6. Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
7. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
8. Why wasn’t Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
9. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
10. Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
11. When you get to your wit’s end, You’ll find God lives there.
12. What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
13. God grades on the cross, not the curve.
14. If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear? A hole in it.
15. I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
16. Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction
17. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
18. We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
19. Prayer: Don’t give God instructions — just report for duty!
20. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
21. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma – but never let him be the period.
22. If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has.
23. I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don’t have as many people who believe it.
24. I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
25. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
26. Deja Vu – When you think you’re doing something you’ve done before, it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.
27. The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
28. Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
29. The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
30. God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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31. Why did God create stock analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good.
32. The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.
33. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
34. Plan ahead – It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
35. Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.
36. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
37. Which part of the Bible won’t you find a black man? The Book of Job.
38. Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
39. Sending your kid to catholic school is the easiest way to guarantee your kid will not be catholic
40. Who needs a doctor, when your Catholic priest can check your prostate for free.
41. Rain rain go away catholic school girls wants to play
42. Yo mamma is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is.
43. Do you need an Ark? Because I Noah guy.
44. Muslims pray up to 5 times a day.
45. I’m catholic, we pray only when is necessary.
46. Are you from Arkansas, cus your the only ark I saw!
47 If money is the root of all evil, then why do they ask for it in church?
48. Nothing is more exciting than when the priest says “now you may go in peace”
49. Knock Knock.Who’s there?
Babylon. I’m not really listening to the gibberish you’re spouting.
50. Knock knock
Who had the Ham and eggs? boooooooooooooooooo….!!!
51. Knock knock!
Luke through the peephole and find out…
52. Knock knock!
*sings* Isn’t it Romantic….
53. Knock knock!
Hebrews a cup of coffee for me? booooooooooooooo….!!!
54. Knock Knock
Little old lady!
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
55. Knock Knock.
Cain I come in? It’s cold out here!
56. Knock Knock.
Sodom earlier, but didn’t talk to ’em!
OK you go ahead now!
57. Knock Knock
I keep knockin’ but to noah vail
58. Knock Knock.
Ruth is leaking at my house. May I stay with you a while?
59. Knock knock!
Hey, man! open the door! it’s cold…
60. Knock Knock.
Matthew do better be correct
61. Knock knock!
Mark my words, yuh better open this door
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